it's so difficult to let it all out 'cus i'm not one who usually speaks 'bout my troubles to anyone. i don't like the idea of them knowing too much 'bout me & i never felt comfortable in doing so. maybe i'll blow a lil' fume to a certain random someone from time to time, then move on. i think that's what drives most of my friends mad; they can't paint of full picture of me. in fact, it drives my parents to greater angst heights. it's not that i didn't try opening up. i just can't. i would probably meet up or call a friend to talk to & realize they'll be the one doing most of the talking. yeah they did probably gave some helpful advise but, most of the time i'll end up spacing out thinking 'bout my own shit & how much it hurts not being able to sputter a single pathetic word out of my mouth. do you know what it feels like to sum up one's inner weakness to lay out a sentence of emotions, like a deck of cards, & spread it all over the table? to me, it's like giving a part of your private life away for free. & hell yes, i find that way past unacceptable. afterall, it's better to tell less of your stories 'cus girls get labeled no matter what. however, blogging does help a tad bit 'cus it feels as if i'm talking to no one so i can speak my mind. but then again, it's open to readers & so i start to hide a lot more than i should. i know i'm not done crying but before people starts to get suspicious, it seems like i have to set another far off date for it to happen.